The Photos!

So here we go.  Are you ready for this?  I didn't think so.  I wasn't ready for this.

One year ago,on Super Bowl Sunday I took a picture in my Steelers get-up.  I always hated that picture.  I mean, really, truly hated that picture.  I felt like I was the Stay-puff marshmallow man (anyone get the Ghostbuster's reference?).  Or the Phillsbury dough-boy.  If you poked my stomach, I would let out a giggle or something. 

Either way, I hated that picture.  Oh yeah, here it is right now...

Don't I look terrible?  I look like I feel awful, and frankly, looking back on it I did feel awful.  I felt so tired all the time and slow.  Yes, I am who I am and I have learned to be comfortable with who I am now, but I was not comfortable here.  Not at all. 

Don't scroll down just yet!  I have some more I want to say!

After my meeting with my doctor in April, it still took me a couple of weeks to really get to it.  Once I did though, things began to happen.  And they can happen for you too!  In October, I went back to the kidney doctor.  I had lost about 50 pounds by then.  He told me that he had never seen a patient do a turn around like I did.  That he had never had anyone who took what he said to heart, and improved their situation so much.  My blood work was so much better.  He wants to see me again in May, but he told me that if I keep up this pace, that he would only have to see me once every couple of years.  Isn't that amazing???

So anyways, almost 60 pounds later, and this is me today.

 
Look at it!  I have a neck!  And a chin!  And a long way to go.

I'm not stopping...but this photo is inspiration.  It helps me see where I came from, and motivates me to keep going.  Next year at the Super Bowl I will do a three photo blog! 

I wish you all the best of luck on your journey, wherever that may lead!

T

My time, His time

So, it's been about a week since I have posted on this blog, because frankly...I didn't have time.

Time?  What?  Time?  How ironic that I just used that word because that's exactly what I want to talk about today!  Ha!  Funny how that works, isn't it?

Actually, I want to talk more about timing.  Sometimes, our timing is bad.  A friend of mine sent me a Facebook message yesterday reminding me of something.  You're going to get a brief (hopefully) history lesson from me today.  I told you once that I would tell you about my history with my weight, and today is that day. 

So, you have some popcorn?  Some fruit?  Because sit back, I am going to take you on a journey....Once upon a time...31 one years ago I was born...

So I was a very active child.  I was always running here, there and everywhere.  I played soccer on an all boys soccer team (I didn't want to play with those sissy girls), and was pretty good at it too.  I would climb trees like a monkey, ride my bike, roller skate, play football...you get the picture.  To burn off extra energy, my mother would make me go outside and run around these three cherry trees that we had planted in the back yard.

Gradually, things began to change about the time I was 8 years old.  Despite the fact that I was still active, I had begun to put on a few pounds and was a little more lethargic than I used to be.  They also discovered blood pressure in me around that time, which the doctors at first thought was due to my allergy medication.  Now, I was a child and don't remember much of the specifics.  But the next few years I continued to gain weight, was much less active, was tired all the time and couldn't walk up a flight of stairs without breathing hard.  My blood pressure was still high and my mother, the nurse, had me at different doctors and they put me through a battery of tests at the hospital.  My mother was convinced I had a thyroid problem, but couldn't get any of the doctors to listen to her.  Because my blood pressure was so high that put stress on my kidneys and they began to fail.  Finally, when I was 12 years old, my mother got fed up with the doctors at the hospital and dropped my chart off at my grandmother's endocrinologist.  (Thyroid doctor)  Before she had even gotten home (a 15 minute drive), there was a message on the answering machine telling my mother to bring me in the next day, and to get this blood test done.  As it turned out, I had a disease called Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.  Basically, that is when your body thinks your thyroid is a disease and attacks it and destroys it.  Do you know you need your thyroid to live?  It messes everything up!  I was totally messed up.  So I was put on a pill (a synthetic thyroid), and I have to take that every day for the rest of my life.

Fast forward several years.  Because of the stress my kidney's went through, when I was 19 I had a kidney biopsy and it revealed I had 33% irreversible damage to my kidneys.  

Fast forward several more years.  I'm in Arkadelphia Arkansas, and a friend and I begin a weight loss journey.  I lose 50 pounds.  However, because I was not watching my thyroid, that went all out of whack and I gained it all back because of depression, insomnia, etc.  (See, thyroid really has a hand in everything!)

So after that I began a season of stop and start dieting.  We all know about this.  We all have done this at one time or another.  We are going good on a diet for a few weeks, or a month, and then we get stressed out, etc.  That brings me to time.

My church in Arkadelphia began a program called "First Place".  It is a combination weight loss/bible study.  I wanted to do it.  I really did.  I went to the first one we did, even lost a few pounds (13 in one week one time, but that was because I had meningitis and couldn't eat anything), but an illness pulled me out of it.  I wasn't ready.  I thought I was...but I was working on my time. 

This past year has been quite a journey for me.  In February of 2011, I had some blood work done that was concerning.  It showed that my kidneys were only functioning at 44%.  While my thyroid was doing well and no adjustments in medication were needed, my kidneys were failing.  So off to the kidney doctor I went in April.  He sat me down and told me that I needed to loose 100 pounds.  That I was in for a world of hurting, health wise and that I was too young to be going down this path.  Basically, I would die young if I didn't make this change.  He told me that I needed to go on a low protein diet that was designed to help me lose weight and even suggested I talk to a clinic about weight loss surgery.  Yikes!  That was drastic! 

However, I did take his suggestion to heart.  On May 3, 2011 I began my journey.  I lost 30 pounds just by changing the way I ate.  Hmmmm...why didn't that work before?  Oh, that's right!  God's time.  Then I began to exercise. 

Today, I am down 58 pounds.  I am almost to 60.  I can't wait to be at -60.  The last three months have been a big struggle with my weight.  While I haven't gained much back (only 5 pounds and most of those are gone already), I have had to make some adjustments.  More stress has come into my life, less time to relax for me and less time to exercise.  However, this is not the end.

After a LOT of research, I began to do a program called Power 90.  If you have heard of P90X...well...it's not that.  It's a beginners version of it.  And I love it!  I have done 11 days now and have already lost about 6 inches all over my body.  I've gained .2 pounds but I know that is muscle and that will happen.  Muscle does in fact weigh more than fat!  Who knew?  And no, I am not getting paid to advertise this product.  I just love it so much and feel the effects from it.  The first few days I was horribly sore, but now it's just a pleasant tiredness that reminds me I have exercised, and exercised well.  And soon, the fat will be melting off.  AFter the muscle building comes the fat loss. 

Guys, I can't force you to do what I've done.  Some of you don't need that.  Some of you feel you need to but you're not ready.  There will come a moment where God will put someone in your path, and that person or what they say will become your motivation.  That's what happened for me.  I wasn't ready.  Not until God put that person in my life that told me that I was going to die young if I didn't turn this around.

Oh, by the way, my last blood work was AWESOME!  My cholesterol dropped over 100 points, my kidney function has improved 8% and I am really on the upswing!  See...God's timing. 

I want to thank you for all the support I have gotten from everyone over these last 10 months of this journey.  You have made me believe that I can do this, and have made me feel good from your compliments.  I don't know what I would have done without you.

In His Time,

T

PS.  Coming Monday!  (or Tuesday)  A picture of me at the Super Bowl last year and a picture of me at the Super Bowl this year!  (no...not the actual super bowl...just a party).  I will be wearing the same shirt and hopefully the difference will amaze you! 

Oh, and feel free to ask me any questions you have.  I'm very open about my medical issues and very comfortable talking about weight loss.

It's hard to turn a tree

So, how many of us have said this lately? 

"I'm turning over a new leaf."

Ha!  I've said that so many times in the last 8 months that I feel like I've turned over a whole new tree!  Ok, not really, but I'm constantly turning over a new leaf.  Sometimes that leaf stays turned over.  Sometimes it doesn't.

So with that said, I'm turning over a new leaf!  Today, I began a new step in my life.  (Ok, I actually began it yesterday, but I didn't have time to blog yesterday, so for the sake of this post, we're going to pretend that today is yesterday.  You with me so far?)  I began a new program called Power 90.

What is Power 90 you might ask?  Well, have you heard of P90X?  Well, it's not that.  I am in no way, shape or form ready for P90X.  But I want to be.  That's why I started Power 90.  Power 90 is done by the same person (Tony Horton) who does P90X, but Power 90 is for beginners.  I had gone online and looked at the P90X program because I needed something different.  I love working out on the elliptical, but 1. I'm never home to do that, 2. Our elliptical leaves a lot to be desired and 3. Frankly it sucks doing the same thing over and over again.  I dropped 30 pounds by doing nothing but changing my diet, I dropped another 30 pounds by doing the elliptical, but I was doing the same exercise over and over again, so the only places I was going to change were the places that machine worked on.  I am looking for more total body fitness.  Arms, legs, back, abs, etc.  Not going to get all of that on the elliptical.  You'll get a lot of it, but not all. 

So flash forward to a week and a half ago.  After a lot of deciding, thinking and studying (which included watching result videos on YouTube), I ordered the Power 90 program, and started it today.  Wow!

The first day is all about sculpting.  Basically, weights and exercises designed to work your arms and legs.  I actually did not do too bad.  I was able to keep up in everything except the push up and chair dips.  Who knew that dipping on a chair could be so hard?  Pretty soon, I was dripping on the chair.  And push ups!  Even on my knees I could not go all the way down.  But that's ok!  It was the first day!  I felt great afterward, like I had really accomplished something.  After I finished with the sculpting, I took a look ahead at what I was in for with cardio.  Yikes!  All I can say is that tomorrow might be fun!

Ok, let's go back to today being actually today.  I did the cardio and abs portion this morning.  I am beat!  It's a good feeling, but I can feel that I've worked out all over my body.  That's what I'm looking for!  With the cardio, you did yoga (yuck!), jumping jacks, high knees, running in place, runners lunges, X work (which is where you draw and X on the floor, and move from side to side, up and down, back and forth) and so on.  Then after a 30 second break, you went into some Tai Bo kind of moves like punches and kicks.  With the first half of cardio, I didn't do great.  I kept moving, but some of the moves were too hard for me to do just yet.  Then I really got into it with all the punching and kicking.  Love it!

And I am feeling it!  How refreshing to find something that I can commit to for a relatively short amount of time, take with me anywhere I go, and that really does something!  When I hit day 30, I will post my before pictures and then my Day 30 pictures to see the difference.  But coming soon are pictures of me a year ago, when I weighed 273 pounds, and me now wearing the same shirt.  You will not believe the difference.  I still can't believe the difference!

Other than the fact I can't get my arms above my head, I feel great!  And the last two days my diet has been wonderful too.  So here I am again.  For the 367th time (and that's just January), I'm turning over a new leaf.  Keep track with me as I work on keeping that leaf turned over!

T

What's in a Name?

The time has come for me to tackle the one question that everyone keeps asking me.  Why did I call my blog "Fat Chick on a Journey?"

More than one person has asked me why I'm calling my blog this.  A few have been really upset by it actually.  I've heard, "Tracie, you're not fat!  It upsets me that you are defining yourself this way." 

I can see why this might be upsetting.  You may feel that I am putting myself down by calling myself "Fat".  Maybe you're afraid that I have a self esteem issue because I call myself fat.  But let me stop you right there.

I call this blog "Fat Chick on a Journey" because that is who I am.  And it has taken me a very long time to accept that.  It does not define me, it does not degrade me.  It is my statement to the world, telling them that who I am is ok, whether I am fat or thin or somewhere in between.  I will always be a fat chick.  Even if I weigh 120 pounds, I will always be a fat chick.  And I couldn't face that until I learned to accept myself for who I am. 

My weight does not define me.  It holds me back. I always want to remember that.  No matter how many times I reinvent myself, no matter how many pounds I lose, I will always be a fat chick.  And that's ok.  The title of my blog is to continually remind me who I am, and to remind me to be comfortable in the way God made me.  Being fat is not my fault.  I did not choose to be that way.  I had some health problems in my past that I could not help, and those health problems are what began the weight gain.  And I never was comfortable in my body.  I had way too much energy to be fat.  I hated myself.  I degraded myself.  I looked in the mirror and hated what I saw.

But now I can accept it.  The naming of my blog was my acceptance of who God made me to be.  This fat chick is a lot thinner than she used to be, and will be smaller still.  But until I learned to be comfortable with who I was, I could never have become what I am now.  A fat chick on her way to being a healthy fat chick. 

I will never forget my past and how I got to where I am right now.  I am comfortable with me, fatness and all, and I am proud of who I am and what I have accomplished. 

So...that's why!  Hope you have a great day...Fat Chick OUT!

T

Football and fatness....

You know, sometimes things go along really well.  You're doing really well with control, with your eating habits, with curbing your temptations and BAM!  You give in.  Why does that happen?  You're eating so well, and then there is one incident that just throws your whole momentum off. 

Mine is football.  I did really well, eating wise last week.  I watched everything I put in my mouth, I didn't give in to temptation.  I didn't even overindulge during the lock in (only one donut!).  Then came the playoff game on Sunday afternoon.  Steelers vs. Broncos.  You know we had a party!  All the regulars from the family and beyond gathered at our house for Steelers football.  And we brought the goodies!  We had stromboli, soup, turkey chili cheese dip (hey, at least that was turkey, right?) and these awesome little smokies wrapped in bacon...oh...and a veggie tray.  (One of these things is not like the other....)

And boy did we eat!  Of course, we tried everything.  We even had brownie/cookie pie for dessert.  We lost the game and I lost my focus.  I ate poorly so I slept poorly.  I slept poorly so I didn't get up to exercise.  I didn't get up to exercise so I was half dead on my feet all day...and the cycle keeps on going!  I actually didn't do too bad yesterday, but today I had fast food for lunch and I made a poor choice.

Why do we do that?  We know what makes us feel better!  We know that when we eat healthy, we feel better, we sleep better and we are more pleasant to be around.  At least it is that way for me (right, Mom?).  And yet I continue to give in to temptation and put bad things in my mouth, sleep in, and just in general be lazy.  Where does it end?

The last year has been a struggle to lose every pound, and especially in the last two and a half months.  With grandpa's fall and spending most of the month of November sitting with him at the hospital, and a lot of December and January so far sitting with him at home, I am stressed out and thrown off balance.  But I know what will make me feel better!  So why don't I do it?

Do any of you feel this way?  Let's encourage each other to stay on track.  I know that a lot of you have told me about your struggles, and by reading on facebook, a lot of you are facing the same ones I am.  So let's bond together!  Let's help each other in our stress, rejoice in our triumphs and encourage each other to stay the course.  I have lost 3 of the five pounds I put on during the holidays, so something is working.  All you out there, kick my butt and keep me going please!

I do have to share with you a conversation I had with a friend of mine via text message.  She knows how much I love the Steelers, and that I was sad that they had lost the game on Sunday.  Maybe that depression led to my poor choices...I would love to blame that on the Steelers losing!  Anyway, this is the message I woke up to on Monday morning and the conversation that followed.

S:  My condolences.  Maybe it will make not watching the Super Bowl at our house seem okay.

T:  Thank you for your prayers in this trying time.

S:  Yes, this situation has been heavy on my heart and has been lifted up many times over.  Your family has had so many struggles of late, but this...this is just too much...

T:  I agree.  I went to bed broken hearted.  I can't believe that God has given me one more thing to deal with.  A person can only take so much...

Humor..got to love it!  That conversation actually went on to reveal that the reason the Steelers lost the football game was because my grandfather was not wearing his lucky underwear.  Oh well, what are you going to do!  This too shall pass....

Alrighty there brothers and sisters!  Let's continue to build each other up and hold each other in highest regard!  I will pray for you and please, please, pray for me!

T

Locked and Loaded

Ah, Lock-ins.  I just love lock-ins.  What with all the sleep I get, and I awake feeling refreshed and...oh wait...that's not a lock-in!  That's a lock-out!

In all seriousness, I don't mind lock-ins...until about 4am.  That's when this fat chick hits the wall.  And considering it is now 6:13 in the morning and I have yet to go to sleep, well, you see what I mean.

Not to mention, a lock-in is a stuff your mouth fest!  Pizza, chips, popcorn, brownies...it all goes down the hatch.  The only saving grace when it comes to a lock in is that I hardly ever sit down, so I work all that food off as I go along.  And in 45 minutes, I'm going to go pick up donuts.  Score!

You know what I do love?  Watching youth interact with each other.  It's amazing.  I work with youth and children for a living, and they never cease to surprise me.  They way they fight but ten minutes later it is all ok.  The way they pull each other in.  One girl said something to me tonight, and I don't think I will forget it for a long time.  She kind of snuck up to me in a way, and said, "I never knew I could find friends at church."  Yikes!  She never knew she could find friends at church?!  What does that say about church?! 

I have the opportunity to work with two different youth groups.  Each of the groups are unique in their own ways, and like different things.  One group likes more wild and crazy games.  The other group likes to study more.  But being around these kids makes my life full.  Yes, sometimes I get frustrated.  Sometimes I want to knock some heads together.  Sometimes I want to take their cell phones and smash them to bits.  But always there is something wonderful that happens.  I never realized how lucky I am to be able to work with so many different kids.

So here I am, locked-in, loaded with caffeine and my mind is blown.  To all of you who had a good night's sleep....Pffffffftttttttttt!  (that's me blowing a raspberry at you).  To those of you who didn't, sorry for your luck.  We're getting too old for this stuff!  But I love it!

T

Helpless

I cried this morning. 

I know...shocker, right?  I do cry...maybe not often, but I do.  And I did this morning.  Why?  Let me take you back a little while.

 On Saturday, November 5 I was house sitting in Huntington, and I got a phone call at 5:30 in the morning from my mother, telling me that my grandfather had fallen, and they were waiting on the ambulance to take him to the hospital.  So I jumped in the car and took off up to Winfield.  Grandpa had fallen in the bathroom and had hit is head and various other parts of his body.  I met them at the hospital so I never did get to see the bathroom, but I'm told it looked like Vietnam had happened in there.  When grandpa got to the hospital they scanned him and discovered he had a bleed in his brain.

Then the insanity began.  He lost his speech at one point due to seizures, he ended up with an infection in his elbow and in his blood stream and he had pneumonia.  He finally improved enough that he was released to Health South rehab, and then he improved enough there that he finally got to come on on December 1st.  However, he could not come home alone.  So we have been taking turns staying with him and we have someone who sits with him during the day.

Flash forward to this morning.  It was my turn to stay the night with grandpa.  He got up to use the restroom about 3:30 this morning, and called out to me that he was going to use the urinal beside his bed.  Well, a few minutes later I hear a commotion and he called out that he had fallen.  Now, he wasn't badly hurt, just a few bumps and bruises.  Didn't hit his head, didn't break anything.  I patched him up, got him up and got him back into bed.  Through all that, I held it together.  I mean, I knew it was going to happen.  It was just a matter of time.  He is so unsteady on his feet, and it is inevitable that he will fall again. 

So I went back into the bedroom and called my mother to let her know what happened so she could stop by and check him before she went to work.  I even held it together while I was on the phone with her.  Then I hung up and broke down.  I couldn't help it.  I felt so...helpless. 

I know it wasn't my fault that he fell.  And I know it's not my fault that he is in the condition that he is in.  And I know other people in my family feel this way.  We just feel helpless.  We want to make him better, and we can't.  All we can do is keep him safe. 

But we don't that don't we?  We beat ourselves up when we see people who we love hurt because there's nothing we can do about it.  We want to save them from pain and hurt, either physically or mentally.  But we can't. 

It says in Romans 8:28--"In all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."  We are all called by God in one way or another.  And everything that happens in our lives has a bright spot.  Yes, it's bad that grandpa is ill, but what is good about it is that we have the opportunity to spend time with him.  I only saw him twice a year for seven years, and now I have the chance to help him, to get to know him, to be there for him.  That is the silver lining in this cloud. 

May we look for the silver linings in our clouds today, and not feel so....Helpless.

T