Hi Everyone!
I realize that it has been a very long time since my last post, and I could sit here and come up with a million excuses why...but I'm not going to! Let's just say I have been a fat chick on a journey, but the journey was not leading in the same direction I was headed before. In fact, I kind of turned around and went straight back to where I was. Why? I could tell you a million excuses, but (to quote a very famous person) "Ain't nobody got time for that!"
What I have time for is the here and now. So let's get going!
Some of you may be asking why I chose "Boom! Pow!" for the title of this first post back after almost a year of absence. Well, that is a good question.
If you ask my 2 year old niece and nephew, they would liken Boom! Pow! to the fist bump with the explosion at the end. The celebration after a touchdown or a big accomplishment (peeing in the potty, for example). For me today, Boom Pow isn't a huge accomplishment. It is more of a slap in the face.
I admit, this has not been the easiest year and a half for me. Much of my time was spent as a caregiver to my grandfather, who if you have been on my Facebook page at all in the last year and a half, you know was a wonderful, loving, funny and caring man. The fact that I was in a position and able to help take care of him for a year and a half after he fell and had the brain bleed was a honor and a privilege. We had many wonderful times together, watched many hours of news, sports and Jeopardy (and if you asked him, I am much better at Jeopardy than my mother!) and talked about everything. I also shared my life with him, showing him photos of friends and family, telling him funny stories about the church and sharing frustrations and hurts.
Maybe I can say that I had been so focused on him and his needs, that I didn't think about my own health needs. But we all know that isn't true. It is possible to do both. I got lazy. I was stressed, it was hard to pack a bag and stay away from home every weekend, and food has been and is a comfort. One of the most readily available and easy to get comforts. Stressed? Hey look...a bag of chips. And how about some cheddar cheese to go along with that!
A few weeks ago, on the Wednesday before Easter, grandpa passed away. He had fought a long battle, but had finished his race. He went to heaven on Grandma's birthday, which I just think is one of the sweetest things ever. He wanted to be home with Grandma on her birthday. What a great gift.
And grandpa left behind many great and wonderful gifts as well. He left behind a family who loves him, who will always think about him with a smile on their face, and who will know that he takes pride in each of their accomplishments.
Last week, I went back to the doctor's. I had kept up with appointments, but I have not kept up with my journey...my journey to be healthy. Needless to say, my numbers were not good. My kidney function is lower than they want it to be, and lower than it was a year ago. I needed to up some medications, change others around and run a few more tests to see the whole picture. So I went back to my mother and asked for a new meal plan. Oh, did she deliver!
In the last year, my mother's first co-worker, Richard (who did my first meal plan), retired. My first meal plan as it was, was a Boom! Pow! moment in itself. Because my body does not process protein correctly, he had me eating only 7 oz of meat, cheese and dairy a day. Seven ounces! Think about it. The smallest steak at Outback is 6oz. That is almost the whole day! That was a big enough shock!
Then, this new meal plan comes along. (April, I love ya, but wow!). The new co-worker that my mother has working with her has a lot of experience in renal diets. That makes her the perfect choice to write me a new meal plan--one that will improve my kidney function and help me cut calories. One that will help me focus on balance in my eating and work me towards my goals. Only this time, 7oz of protein seems like a fairy tale. This new meal plan only allows me 4 oz! Are you kidding me??? I was bowled over!
But.....
I needed it. I know that I feel horrible. I can't climb up a flight of stairs without feeling out of breath, and I know that I have the tools and the abilities to accomplish my goals. All I need to do is do it!
I don't know what changed in me in the last couple of weeks. Maybe it was motivated by my best friend signing me up to do a 5k (yikes!) that made me want to start this journey again. Maybe it is the fact that spring is here, and I don't want to have to buy new clothes because none of my summer stuff fits me anymore. Maybe I want grandpa in heaven to look down on me and be proud of me. Or maybe...just maybe...I want to do this because I know I will feel better, have more energy and be healthier. It might even be the combination of all of the above. I have no idea.
All I know is that I am ready. I am ready to be back on the journey. And what is great to me, what has always amazed me is the love and support that surrounds me. In the good times and bad. This year has been amazing in the relationships area. I have grown closer to some people than I ever thought possible. And those people support me in whatever I do. And I thank God every day that he put them in my life.
So are you ready to be back on the journey with me? I need your prayers, I need your encouragement, I need an iPhone food slapper app (Boom! Pow!) and your low protein recipes!
Be sick, be loved
T
P.S. Mark this day down in history. I, Tracie, for the first time in my life, am going to cook some sort of seafood other than tuna! I know! Shocker!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Monday, June 4, 2012
Words We Say...or Don't
I love my job. I really do. It is fun, rewarding, growth-inspiring...etc.
One of the things I love most about my job is the people. I get to work with children and youth, their parents and all sorts of other people. They introduce me to their friends, their family, their pets and their toys. I'm forever meeting new people and getting into new situations.
Oh, and I like to talk too, so that helps a lot. I've had some wonderful, heartwarming things said to me over the years. I have also heard some drop dead funny ones, and even said a few myself!
For example, once, in Arkadelphia, a child asked me if I was the boss of Vacation Bible School. Before I could answer, another child piped up with "Miss Tracie is the boss of everything!" That's right. You heard it here first! I'm the boss of everything.
Another one that happened just recently.
Tracie: Hey guys! We're all alone out here! There's no other groups around!
Youth: Thanks Tracie. That's how every horror movie starts.
I'm going to tell one on myself here. When I was in Buckhannon, one of the adult Sunday School classes liked to use Power Point in their teaching. Every Sunday, I would set up the projector for the teacher, and I would wait while he turned on his computer and make sure everything worked before I left. This teacher also happened to be a long time professor at my college, and an ordained United Methodist Elder. He was also in his 70's at the time. I was in a hurry one particular Sunday morning, and I was rushing to set up his computer. I grabbed it, and wanted to go ahead and start it without waiting for him, so I grabbed his computer and asked, "Can I turn you on now John?"
His wife began to laugh. He just shook his head and said, "Oh, Tracie." I was laughed out of the classroom.
At least I can laugh at myself, right?
Not too long ago, I was on a youth retreat. We were having a discussion about noise, and I asked the kids, "What kind of noises in our lives distract us from listening for God's direction?" After a long pause, one of the kids raised their hand and said..."Raffles."
"Raffles?" I asked. "Want to elaborate on that?"
He said, "I'm so busy waiting for my number to be called, and so focused on listening for it that I forget to listen for God's voice."
Ahhhhhh...Logic.
Yes, kids say a lot of things. Some are thought-provoking, some are scary, and some are laugh-out-loud-roll-on-the-floor funny. But there is one word I have a lot of trouble with. It is a word that gets me in trouble time and time again.
Are you ready to hear my trouble word? Are you sure? It may shock you!
My word is...yes.
I bet you thought my word would be "No." Well, the word "No" doesn't usually get me into trouble. The word "Yes" often does.
We all have trouble with this word. I bet you say "Yes" to almost everything, don't you? I don't know about you, but most of the time I don't feel like I can say "No." Most of the time, I don't want to say "No". I genuinely want to help. I want to be there for people. I want to do whatever I can to help. That's actually how I ended up typing someone's memoirs.
But there are two people I don't say "Yes" to enough.
I don't say "Yes" to myself first of all. I know my priorities, and I often don't make myself one. I often don't WANT to make myself a priority. Other people are too important. I want to take care of everyone. I want to protect everyone. I often feel that meeting my own needs are not as important as others. Yes, this often gets me into trouble. It wears me down, sometimes makes me crazy. So I struggle with saying "Yes" to myself. I struggle with taking care of myself. Eating right, exercising. Things I know I need to do to take care of myself, because I don't say "Yes" to myself enough. I have to remember that I am worth something too. I am worth taking care of. I struggle with that concept every day. God made me something, and God doesn't make junk. But I feel there are people out there so much more important than myself, and their needs are more important than mine. And most of the time, I need to make others a priority. But sometimes, just sometimes, I have permission to make myself one too. Scary thought, isn't it? How many of us struggle with this too?
The other person I sometimes have trouble saying "Yes" to is God. Frankly, sometimes I have trouble keeping the lines of communication open with God, period. Saying "Yes" to Him is a whole different matter. Maybe I don't want to talk to that person. Maybe I don't want to give that lesson. Maybe, just maybe I don't want to love that person. The person who hurts me or my family. But God wants me to say "Yes."
God: Tracie, you know that person who hurt your feelings?
Tracie: Oh yes, I remember them well.
God: Love them.
He wants me to say "Yes." And I want to say "Yes" for Him. But sometimes I don't.
It's time to make the word "Yes" a priority. "Yes" to me sometimes, "Yes" to God always.
For all of you out there today, Be sick...be loved.
T
One of the things I love most about my job is the people. I get to work with children and youth, their parents and all sorts of other people. They introduce me to their friends, their family, their pets and their toys. I'm forever meeting new people and getting into new situations.
Oh, and I like to talk too, so that helps a lot. I've had some wonderful, heartwarming things said to me over the years. I have also heard some drop dead funny ones, and even said a few myself!
For example, once, in Arkadelphia, a child asked me if I was the boss of Vacation Bible School. Before I could answer, another child piped up with "Miss Tracie is the boss of everything!" That's right. You heard it here first! I'm the boss of everything.
Another one that happened just recently.
Tracie: Hey guys! We're all alone out here! There's no other groups around!
Youth: Thanks Tracie. That's how every horror movie starts.
I'm going to tell one on myself here. When I was in Buckhannon, one of the adult Sunday School classes liked to use Power Point in their teaching. Every Sunday, I would set up the projector for the teacher, and I would wait while he turned on his computer and make sure everything worked before I left. This teacher also happened to be a long time professor at my college, and an ordained United Methodist Elder. He was also in his 70's at the time. I was in a hurry one particular Sunday morning, and I was rushing to set up his computer. I grabbed it, and wanted to go ahead and start it without waiting for him, so I grabbed his computer and asked, "Can I turn you on now John?"
His wife began to laugh. He just shook his head and said, "Oh, Tracie." I was laughed out of the classroom.
At least I can laugh at myself, right?
Not too long ago, I was on a youth retreat. We were having a discussion about noise, and I asked the kids, "What kind of noises in our lives distract us from listening for God's direction?" After a long pause, one of the kids raised their hand and said..."Raffles."
"Raffles?" I asked. "Want to elaborate on that?"
He said, "I'm so busy waiting for my number to be called, and so focused on listening for it that I forget to listen for God's voice."
Ahhhhhh...Logic.
Yes, kids say a lot of things. Some are thought-provoking, some are scary, and some are laugh-out-loud-roll-on-the-floor funny. But there is one word I have a lot of trouble with. It is a word that gets me in trouble time and time again.
Are you ready to hear my trouble word? Are you sure? It may shock you!
My word is...yes.
I bet you thought my word would be "No." Well, the word "No" doesn't usually get me into trouble. The word "Yes" often does.
We all have trouble with this word. I bet you say "Yes" to almost everything, don't you? I don't know about you, but most of the time I don't feel like I can say "No." Most of the time, I don't want to say "No". I genuinely want to help. I want to be there for people. I want to do whatever I can to help. That's actually how I ended up typing someone's memoirs.
But there are two people I don't say "Yes" to enough.
I don't say "Yes" to myself first of all. I know my priorities, and I often don't make myself one. I often don't WANT to make myself a priority. Other people are too important. I want to take care of everyone. I want to protect everyone. I often feel that meeting my own needs are not as important as others. Yes, this often gets me into trouble. It wears me down, sometimes makes me crazy. So I struggle with saying "Yes" to myself. I struggle with taking care of myself. Eating right, exercising. Things I know I need to do to take care of myself, because I don't say "Yes" to myself enough. I have to remember that I am worth something too. I am worth taking care of. I struggle with that concept every day. God made me something, and God doesn't make junk. But I feel there are people out there so much more important than myself, and their needs are more important than mine. And most of the time, I need to make others a priority. But sometimes, just sometimes, I have permission to make myself one too. Scary thought, isn't it? How many of us struggle with this too?
The other person I sometimes have trouble saying "Yes" to is God. Frankly, sometimes I have trouble keeping the lines of communication open with God, period. Saying "Yes" to Him is a whole different matter. Maybe I don't want to talk to that person. Maybe I don't want to give that lesson. Maybe, just maybe I don't want to love that person. The person who hurts me or my family. But God wants me to say "Yes."
God: Tracie, you know that person who hurt your feelings?
Tracie: Oh yes, I remember them well.
God: Love them.
He wants me to say "Yes." And I want to say "Yes" for Him. But sometimes I don't.
It's time to make the word "Yes" a priority. "Yes" to me sometimes, "Yes" to God always.
For all of you out there today, Be sick...be loved.
T
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Red Balloons
Let me get this right out in the open. I'm not a crier.
I bet you're shocked. Well, it's true! I am not a crier. I am not a weeper. Yes, I cry. Yes, sometimes I even weep. I have even sobbed on occasion. Some of you have been there for it, most of you will never see me even well up.
Well, that is unless you were in church this morning.
This morning was Pentacost Sunday, and in true United Methodist fashion, we celebrated with balloons. No, actually it was really cool. Balloons lined the staircases, and there were plenty for every child to take one home.
So this all began, of course, with a balloon.
A red balloon to be specific. Our Senior Pastor carried it up front with him this morning to make sure the kids saw the balloon, and to make sure that every child knew that they could take one home with them. So he held the balloon up front during the morning announcements, handing it to our Associate after he made his point. When our Associate got up to begin the call to worship, he handed it back to the Senior Pastor. Therein began the problem, so the Senior Pastor got my attention, and he asked me to come get the balloon and pass it on to someone else.
Now, since it was Memorial Day weekend, there weren't a whole lot of children in the congregation, but as I scanned the room, my eyes fell on one little girl. As I began to walk toward her, her eyes lit up in excitement and she reached for the balloon, so excited to be chosen. So her parents tied the balloon to her wrist.
Great so far? I'm not to the welling up yet. Just wait...it's coming!
I was giving the children's sermon this morning, having switched with someone else. I wasn't even on the schedule today, but I am so glad the other person wasn't able to do it.
When the children came up, here came the child with the red balloon. Keep in mind that she is in preschool, and isn't more than four years old.
Our kids kneel at the rail for children's sermon, and today we of course talked about the Holy Spirit who came like a mighty rushing wind. We talked about how we can't see the wind, but we can see what the wind does to those things around us. How we can't see God with our eyes, but we can see the good God does all around us. Of course, I had to turn on a fan with streamers attached to it to illustrate my point, because that's just what I do! A great time was had by all.
I ended with a prayer, and when I said "Let us Pray", the little girl with the red balloon scrunched her eyes up so tightly and folded her hands and was praying so, so hard. After the "Amen", most of the children returned right to their seats. Except the girl with the red balloon. I put the microphone down and I turned to see her asking me to come closer. I bent down and said, "What's up sweetie?"
And do you know what that sweetie said? In her four year and four hundred year old wisdom, she leaned in and whispered to me...
"God does everything good in our lives."
See, tears. Even now, 10 hours later, I am still welling up. What wisdom! What observance! "God does everything good in our lives."
Think about all those good things in your life. Family? God. Friends? God. Church? God. Pets? God.
God does everything good in our lives. Shame on me that it took a four year old to remind me.
Be sick...be loved.
T
I bet you're shocked. Well, it's true! I am not a crier. I am not a weeper. Yes, I cry. Yes, sometimes I even weep. I have even sobbed on occasion. Some of you have been there for it, most of you will never see me even well up.
Well, that is unless you were in church this morning.
This morning was Pentacost Sunday, and in true United Methodist fashion, we celebrated with balloons. No, actually it was really cool. Balloons lined the staircases, and there were plenty for every child to take one home.
So this all began, of course, with a balloon.
A red balloon to be specific. Our Senior Pastor carried it up front with him this morning to make sure the kids saw the balloon, and to make sure that every child knew that they could take one home with them. So he held the balloon up front during the morning announcements, handing it to our Associate after he made his point. When our Associate got up to begin the call to worship, he handed it back to the Senior Pastor. Therein began the problem, so the Senior Pastor got my attention, and he asked me to come get the balloon and pass it on to someone else.
Now, since it was Memorial Day weekend, there weren't a whole lot of children in the congregation, but as I scanned the room, my eyes fell on one little girl. As I began to walk toward her, her eyes lit up in excitement and she reached for the balloon, so excited to be chosen. So her parents tied the balloon to her wrist.
Great so far? I'm not to the welling up yet. Just wait...it's coming!
I was giving the children's sermon this morning, having switched with someone else. I wasn't even on the schedule today, but I am so glad the other person wasn't able to do it.
When the children came up, here came the child with the red balloon. Keep in mind that she is in preschool, and isn't more than four years old.
Our kids kneel at the rail for children's sermon, and today we of course talked about the Holy Spirit who came like a mighty rushing wind. We talked about how we can't see the wind, but we can see what the wind does to those things around us. How we can't see God with our eyes, but we can see the good God does all around us. Of course, I had to turn on a fan with streamers attached to it to illustrate my point, because that's just what I do! A great time was had by all.
I ended with a prayer, and when I said "Let us Pray", the little girl with the red balloon scrunched her eyes up so tightly and folded her hands and was praying so, so hard. After the "Amen", most of the children returned right to their seats. Except the girl with the red balloon. I put the microphone down and I turned to see her asking me to come closer. I bent down and said, "What's up sweetie?"
And do you know what that sweetie said? In her four year and four hundred year old wisdom, she leaned in and whispered to me...
"God does everything good in our lives."
See, tears. Even now, 10 hours later, I am still welling up. What wisdom! What observance! "God does everything good in our lives."
Think about all those good things in your life. Family? God. Friends? God. Church? God. Pets? God.
God does everything good in our lives. Shame on me that it took a four year old to remind me.
Be sick...be loved.
T
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Clumsy Thumbsy
(One thing to know before you read this is that I wrote this
on Saturday while I was at a youth retreat.
I was running on 3 hours sleep and so it may not make a whole lot of
sense. But reading back through it now
before I posted on here, I'm impressed at how much sense it actually makes!)
Sometimes I end up with some major texting fails. I know I'm not alone in this regard because I
have texted back and forth with a lot of people, and we have all done it. Autocorrect is a gift...and a curse. More than once I have told a kid that I would
be picking them up in a black Sub...instead of a black SUV. There are moments that make you laugh, and
sometimes moments that make you want to send what you have written into the
Ellen show.
I've gone through several of those in the last couple of
days. I will tell this one on myself,
because it was my clumsy thumbsy that made it happen.
A friend of mine texted me and wondered if I wanted to come
over for dinner on Thursday night. I was
teasing her, pretending I was saying that I wasn't sure I wanted to spend time
with her or her family...which of course I very much did. Finally I asked her, "Would you like me to come over for dinner?
" She said sure, so I
said..."I'd love tit."
Now, typically this is a "G" rated blog, but let
me just say, I lost it. And I know I
wasn't the only one who did. My friend
and I were both laughing so hard we were crying, which is the absolute best
kind of laughter.
So that's my Clumsy Thumbsy...or at least my latest
one. But I have other texting fails.
I moved recently, and when you move, you tend to go through
things that you packed as you attempt to unpack. For me, some of my stuff had not been
unpacked since I packed it when I left Arkansas almost two years ago (still
can't believe it has been that long). Even
some of that has been packed even longer.
And just a couple of weeks ago, I used one of my boxes to illustrate a
point in a children's sermon. So the
other day, it was in my office and I went to get something out of it when I
really started looking at it. And I
found something I have not thought about in a very long time. I found my poetry book from when I was 13
years old.
A lot of you didn't know me back then. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a
writer. I would write poetry a lot. Now...it was bad poetry. Not bad as in I couldn't share it with my
grandmother, but bad as in pathetic. And
with that journal, I found another one that my friend had bought me in college. I texted her to show her what I had found,
and as I was reading through the pages of the journal (there weren't very many
written on because I'm really bad at journaling), started thinking how pathetic
I was in college. So I tore those pages
out. I mentioned to my friend that I was
pathetic in college, and at first she texted back that we all have our pathetic
moments. But then she got to thinking.
She wrote to me that pathetic wasn't really a good
word. We were who we were back then, and
we learn from who we were. We would not
be the people we are today, if we hadn't been the people we were back
then. Does that make sense?
If a kid came to me today and told me their problems, and
they happened to be the same problems that I had back in college, would I call
them pathetic? Or would I uphold them in
love and grace, embrace them in their brokenness?
Looking back, I still have a lot of the same issues that I
did back then. Would I call myself
pathetic now? Sometimes I want to. Sometimes it's hard not to let the negative
thoughts creep back in. The feeling of
insecurity. The fear that I have
disappointed or hurt my friends in some way.
The wanting so hard to please everyone and be all things to all
people.
Jesus doesn't think I'm pathetic. He thinks I'm human. He loves me in ways that I can't
imagine. He loves you in ways you can't
imagine. And God created us to be. The creator of the world knows our name,
created us in his image. God don't make
junk. God don't make pathetic. Clumsy Thumbsy on me for calling myself
pathetic. God don't make pathetic.
For everyone out there today...Be sick...be loved.
T
PS. I realized today
that I have over 1300 views of this blog.
I know 1000 of them came from me, but for the 300 times the rest of you
have viewed this blog, I want to say I appreciate it. Please feel free to share it with your
friends if it speaks to you in any way!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Be Sick...Be loved
I woke up yesterday feeling really good.
I was alive...always a good thing. I had a good night's sleep and when I got on the scale in the morning, I was down another 1.2 pounds, which means I had made it past -60 pounds! I was at -60.4. I don't care what anyone says...that .4 is very important! Even better, I knew I would be heading to not one, but two doctor's appointments in Charleston very shortly, and they are both doctors who have to look at my weight.
Don't you hate weighing in at the doctor's office? I mean...when you're weighing in the comfort of your own home, it doesn't matter what you wear. I will admit, I weigh in with nothing on. I mean...that watch of mine adds ounces...one point of that .4 pounds might have been because I took my watch off before I weighed in, right?
Well, then you go to the doctor's office and what do they make you do? First thing...weigh in. And you have to weigh in as is...I mean...they don't even have you take your shoes off! Don't they know how much shoes weigh?! My mother told me one time that when the doctor weighs you in, they only account a half a pound for your clothing. A half of a pound? My watch weighs more than a half of a pound! So how happy was I that my first doctor's appointment just let me tell them what I weighed in at this morning...but they rounded up to the nearest full pound which means I lost my .4...small price to pay. I wasn't so lucky at the second doctor. It was after lunch and they made me stand up on the scale to weigh in...they wouldn't just let me tell them. So of course, I was heavier because I had just eaten lunch...and I was fully clothed!
Well, enough about that. Bottom line is that my doctor's appointments went fine. My numbers for my kidneys were pretty good...they are functioning close to half, which is an improvement. My thyroid levels were low which means my thyroid was slightly overactive and she needed to cut my medication back a dose...again. I'm ok with that! The more weight I lose, the less thyroid medication I need. The protein level in my urine is getting much better. For those of you who don't know about that, they do a spot urine test that tells the level of protein. Lots of protein = bad. The normal level for this is supposed to be between 0 and 17. Last April (2011), mine was 790. Waaayyyyyy bad. In November, when I went back to the kidney doctor, it was 118. Wayyyyyyy better, but still high. Yesterday it was 42. Lots better...still high...but lots better. Amazing what happens when you take care of yourself!
Now comes the sick part. In my profession, I get confessed to a lot. Children, youth, adults...strangers...doesn't matter. In fact, I get confessed to in the line at the grocery store...which is slightly awkward. I think I have a sign on my forehead that says "attention all strangers, tell me your life story." Which is fine. Usually I don't mind. But this time I know the person who confessed to me. And it wasn't the confession that threw me off. I learned a long time ago when you tell someone that they can tell you anything to be prepared for...well....anything. I've heard some doozies over the years. No...what got me about this confession was the way that it started.
It started with, "Tracie, please don't hate me for this."
Hate you? I would never hate you! I was slapped in the face one time by an incident at church, and I told myself right then I would never let a youth feel the way I felt at that moment. Alone, lost, dropped. I promised myself I would never let a kid feel that way. I may have failed at that sometimes over the years, but I wasn't going to this time.
That makes me think of the gospel. There is a great blogger named Jonathan Acuff. He writes a blog called Stuffchristianslike.net. It's an amazing blog and very insightful. Mostly satire, but there are posts that he likes to call "Serious Wednesdays". In one of those "Serious Wednesdays" posts, he sums up the gospel in four words. Words that I have adopted lately and believe with all of my heart that he is correct in. Those words are...Be sick...be loved. Jesus didn't come for the well, for the whole. He came for the sick. He came for the broken. We can be sick. In that moment, the moment of our coming to Him in our sickness, in our brokenness, we are loved. We don't have to be perfect to come to Him. In fact, there's no way we can be perfect. We are sick. We are broken. Yet the amazing thing about it, we are loved.
That is what I told this person. I don't care about your brokenness. I don't care what you've done. You can be sick around me. We are all sick. But you are loved.
I have learned some amazing lessons this week. The wonders of God and His timing never cease to amaze me. God knows what we need right when we need it, and for that, I will always be grateful. I didn't know I was looking for something, but God showed me what I needed. Our God is an Awesome God....indeed.
So for everyone out there today...
Be Sick...Be Loved.
T
I was alive...always a good thing. I had a good night's sleep and when I got on the scale in the morning, I was down another 1.2 pounds, which means I had made it past -60 pounds! I was at -60.4. I don't care what anyone says...that .4 is very important! Even better, I knew I would be heading to not one, but two doctor's appointments in Charleston very shortly, and they are both doctors who have to look at my weight.
Don't you hate weighing in at the doctor's office? I mean...when you're weighing in the comfort of your own home, it doesn't matter what you wear. I will admit, I weigh in with nothing on. I mean...that watch of mine adds ounces...one point of that .4 pounds might have been because I took my watch off before I weighed in, right?
Well, then you go to the doctor's office and what do they make you do? First thing...weigh in. And you have to weigh in as is...I mean...they don't even have you take your shoes off! Don't they know how much shoes weigh?! My mother told me one time that when the doctor weighs you in, they only account a half a pound for your clothing. A half of a pound? My watch weighs more than a half of a pound! So how happy was I that my first doctor's appointment just let me tell them what I weighed in at this morning...but they rounded up to the nearest full pound which means I lost my .4...small price to pay. I wasn't so lucky at the second doctor. It was after lunch and they made me stand up on the scale to weigh in...they wouldn't just let me tell them. So of course, I was heavier because I had just eaten lunch...and I was fully clothed!
Well, enough about that. Bottom line is that my doctor's appointments went fine. My numbers for my kidneys were pretty good...they are functioning close to half, which is an improvement. My thyroid levels were low which means my thyroid was slightly overactive and she needed to cut my medication back a dose...again. I'm ok with that! The more weight I lose, the less thyroid medication I need. The protein level in my urine is getting much better. For those of you who don't know about that, they do a spot urine test that tells the level of protein. Lots of protein = bad. The normal level for this is supposed to be between 0 and 17. Last April (2011), mine was 790. Waaayyyyyy bad. In November, when I went back to the kidney doctor, it was 118. Wayyyyyyy better, but still high. Yesterday it was 42. Lots better...still high...but lots better. Amazing what happens when you take care of yourself!
Now comes the sick part. In my profession, I get confessed to a lot. Children, youth, adults...strangers...doesn't matter. In fact, I get confessed to in the line at the grocery store...which is slightly awkward. I think I have a sign on my forehead that says "attention all strangers, tell me your life story." Which is fine. Usually I don't mind. But this time I know the person who confessed to me. And it wasn't the confession that threw me off. I learned a long time ago when you tell someone that they can tell you anything to be prepared for...well....anything. I've heard some doozies over the years. No...what got me about this confession was the way that it started.
It started with, "Tracie, please don't hate me for this."
Hate you? I would never hate you! I was slapped in the face one time by an incident at church, and I told myself right then I would never let a youth feel the way I felt at that moment. Alone, lost, dropped. I promised myself I would never let a kid feel that way. I may have failed at that sometimes over the years, but I wasn't going to this time.
That makes me think of the gospel. There is a great blogger named Jonathan Acuff. He writes a blog called Stuffchristianslike.net. It's an amazing blog and very insightful. Mostly satire, but there are posts that he likes to call "Serious Wednesdays". In one of those "Serious Wednesdays" posts, he sums up the gospel in four words. Words that I have adopted lately and believe with all of my heart that he is correct in. Those words are...Be sick...be loved. Jesus didn't come for the well, for the whole. He came for the sick. He came for the broken. We can be sick. In that moment, the moment of our coming to Him in our sickness, in our brokenness, we are loved. We don't have to be perfect to come to Him. In fact, there's no way we can be perfect. We are sick. We are broken. Yet the amazing thing about it, we are loved.
That is what I told this person. I don't care about your brokenness. I don't care what you've done. You can be sick around me. We are all sick. But you are loved.
I have learned some amazing lessons this week. The wonders of God and His timing never cease to amaze me. God knows what we need right when we need it, and for that, I will always be grateful. I didn't know I was looking for something, but God showed me what I needed. Our God is an Awesome God....indeed.
So for everyone out there today...
Be Sick...Be Loved.
T
Monday, April 16, 2012
Grandpa Knows Best
I love my grandfather very much, but as an 88 year old man with a brain bleed, he doesn't have much of a censor any more. Sometimes, he just says things out loud that most people would keep to themselves. I know this is part of his charm, and everyone says "he is so cute", but sometimes you just want to smack your forehead in frustration or in humiliation.
He has loved that fact that I am losing weight and getting healthy. It makes him very proud and happy, and even when he was in the hospital right after he fell, he could be screaming in pain in one breath and in the next ask me how much weight I have lost. God bless the old man...
My mother has been a large part of my success because she has been on this journey with me. I think we are both struggling with the fact that I now don't live with her, and therefore we have lost our "eating partners." It's easier to eat correctly when you have someone watching exactly what you are eating, and you are eating the same things. But anyways, my mother has lost a good deal of weight as well, and once, when my grandfather asked her how much she had lost, she told him and do you know what his reply was?
"You can keep on going."
So...like I said, the censor doesn't always work in his head.
Even though I live in Huntington now, I travel up to Winfield on the weekends to stay with him. We were sitting in his living room on Easter Sunday night, and he looked at me and said, "Tracie, are you still losing weight or have you given up?"
Woah...wait a second there G-Pooh (We call him Grandpooh if you didn't know that). First of all, we were watching a news story on cattle. Second of all, we hadn't mentioned weight loss or anything all day!
Now, a week later I am thinking about that. When I first started my journey, I talked about nothing else. I was probably a little annoying to my fellow workers and my fellow Americans and my fellow family members (who are all American as well...at least as far as I know). But that was all I talked about. My weight loss journey. How much I had lost, how much I had exercised and how that was going. But I haven't done that in a while. I hadn't been talking about it. I had also not been eating great around him. He always has snack food at his house, and it's so hard to keep out of that. Also, when I'm taking care of him, there is not a lot of cooking so there is a lot of fast food eating. And I haven't been talking about it. I haven't been steadfast in my diet or in my exercise. And how do I feel? Not as good as I did in October. So have I given up?
NO.
I know things throw us off. Grandpa's falling really threw me off of my eating correctly. I haven't gotten back on the full-steam-ahead track. And moving threw me off of my exercise. And like my sister-in-law says..it's a slippery slope. Once you get off track, it is hard to get back on. I haven't gained weight, but I haven't lost either. So what to change?
Everything. I need to change everything. I printed out my diet and hung it up on my fridge this morning. I am making myself a store list so I can go and buy exactly what I need, how much of it I need and am writing down my meals this week and what I am going to be eating each and every day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. And no more sleeping in through my exercise. Get my lazy butt out of bed and do it!
On the flip side of grandpa's insightful statement, on Saturday I went to my mother's hospital to help her and her boss tear down from their program. I got out of my car and walked across the street to the hospital, and then I heard a voice behind me saying, "Tracie?" When I turned around, my mother's boss was walking toward me and he said, "you know...I thought that might be you, but to be honest, I was expecting someone bigger. You look wonderful!" Now if that don't make you feel good, I don't know what does!
So thank you grandpa for your wisdom...and Richard for your compliment. I have received a lot of compliments from you all for my Facebook profile photo, and I very much appreciate them! I have worked hard to get to this point and I need a swift kick in the butt every morning to continue to work harder to get to the next level! As Nike has taught us...JUST DO IT!
T
He has loved that fact that I am losing weight and getting healthy. It makes him very proud and happy, and even when he was in the hospital right after he fell, he could be screaming in pain in one breath and in the next ask me how much weight I have lost. God bless the old man...
My mother has been a large part of my success because she has been on this journey with me. I think we are both struggling with the fact that I now don't live with her, and therefore we have lost our "eating partners." It's easier to eat correctly when you have someone watching exactly what you are eating, and you are eating the same things. But anyways, my mother has lost a good deal of weight as well, and once, when my grandfather asked her how much she had lost, she told him and do you know what his reply was?
"You can keep on going."
So...like I said, the censor doesn't always work in his head.
Even though I live in Huntington now, I travel up to Winfield on the weekends to stay with him. We were sitting in his living room on Easter Sunday night, and he looked at me and said, "Tracie, are you still losing weight or have you given up?"
Woah...wait a second there G-Pooh (We call him Grandpooh if you didn't know that). First of all, we were watching a news story on cattle. Second of all, we hadn't mentioned weight loss or anything all day!
Now, a week later I am thinking about that. When I first started my journey, I talked about nothing else. I was probably a little annoying to my fellow workers and my fellow Americans and my fellow family members (who are all American as well...at least as far as I know). But that was all I talked about. My weight loss journey. How much I had lost, how much I had exercised and how that was going. But I haven't done that in a while. I hadn't been talking about it. I had also not been eating great around him. He always has snack food at his house, and it's so hard to keep out of that. Also, when I'm taking care of him, there is not a lot of cooking so there is a lot of fast food eating. And I haven't been talking about it. I haven't been steadfast in my diet or in my exercise. And how do I feel? Not as good as I did in October. So have I given up?
NO.
I know things throw us off. Grandpa's falling really threw me off of my eating correctly. I haven't gotten back on the full-steam-ahead track. And moving threw me off of my exercise. And like my sister-in-law says..it's a slippery slope. Once you get off track, it is hard to get back on. I haven't gained weight, but I haven't lost either. So what to change?
Everything. I need to change everything. I printed out my diet and hung it up on my fridge this morning. I am making myself a store list so I can go and buy exactly what I need, how much of it I need and am writing down my meals this week and what I am going to be eating each and every day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. And no more sleeping in through my exercise. Get my lazy butt out of bed and do it!
On the flip side of grandpa's insightful statement, on Saturday I went to my mother's hospital to help her and her boss tear down from their program. I got out of my car and walked across the street to the hospital, and then I heard a voice behind me saying, "Tracie?" When I turned around, my mother's boss was walking toward me and he said, "you know...I thought that might be you, but to be honest, I was expecting someone bigger. You look wonderful!" Now if that don't make you feel good, I don't know what does!
So thank you grandpa for your wisdom...and Richard for your compliment. I have received a lot of compliments from you all for my Facebook profile photo, and I very much appreciate them! I have worked hard to get to this point and I need a swift kick in the butt every morning to continue to work harder to get to the next level! As Nike has taught us...JUST DO IT!
T
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Starting over...again...and again...and again...
So, yes, I know that it has been over a month since my last blog post. So much has happened in that month, but it shouldn't have taken me that long to update. But it did. Why? Because I'm lazy.
It's not that I'm overly lazy. I do a lot of stuff, but I just wasn't feeling the blog writing. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. I had time to write, but just didn't feel up to it.
It's been a roller coaster of a month. In this month I have gained weight, lost weight, moved to a new apartment, seen a 9 month old child buried, got the information that our pastor would be leaving and heard who the new pastor would be. Crazy! Why does everything have to happen all at once? Can't God just give us one big thing a month instead of everything altogether? We need to start a petition...
I don't think I have updated on here since I began my Power 90 journey. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's not P90X. (Bet you never saw that coming!) It's the beginners version of P90X, which means it is an intense full body workout program. You lift weights three days a week, and you do cardio three days a week. Let me tell you...for this fat chick who is waaaayyyyyyy out of shape, it is intense! But the funny thing is, I love it. It really does give me more energy, helps improve my mood and is toning up my body.
Several weeks ago, I went to Cincinnati to visit my brother and his family. He has 18 month old twins and they are full of energy. The last time I had seen my brother was the middle of January, and he was amazed at the amount of energy I have now. Several people I know have now ordered the program, and from what I can tell, they are enjoying it as much as I am. Of course, there are parts that I hate...like Power Yoga. I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing...not so much. And I don't like runners luges either. I don't know if I'm not coordinated enough, but me doing runners lunges is like a hippo doing the cha-cha. Not pretty. I feel sorry for the floor beneath my feet sometimes!
But the difference I have noticed has been worth it. I have a neck now! You can actually see the muscles in my neck! And I have muscles! My mother tells me that when I'm exercising, the backs of my legs are really getting toned. So I'm halfway through..
Actually, last week I was over halfway through. But stress...good old stress. The age old excuse. I was stressed out with the move and everything, and I did not pay attention to what I ate. Didn't even try. Living on my own again seemed to be an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. No one was watching! And I only exercised two days last week. What was up with that???
We all go through bumps in the road. I had my bump, and I knew I needed to do something about it. So Sunday night I decided I needed a kick in the pants. I decided to do a fast...not a full fast because I don't disillusion myself to thinking I can handle that, but a fruit and fruit/veggie juice fast. And this fast is to last for 48 hours. I bought bananas, V8 and orange juice. Yesterday wasn't too bad. When I was hungry, I would eat fruit or drink juice, and did really well. Felt energized (sugar rush!) and felt "cleaned out". Today, I even woke up not hungry. For lunch today I had a salad that was all veggies and fruit, and only a little bit of fat free dressing. I actually feel really good. I did it partly to jump start my diet, partly to remind myself that I do have will power.
That's the thing I have the hardest time with...willpower. It's almost like I can only focus on one thing at a time. If my exercising is doing really well, my eating is not. If my eating is doing really well, then my exercise is not. I need to get in sync! (Not NSync because they're Bye, bye, bye...oh yeah...I went there.)
So all you fellows out there who struggle with the same things I do, let's get in sync! I see so many of you share your triumphs and I am so proud of you. I hope that we can share our struggles as well as our triumphs, because they're real too.
Oh...and I'm back on the exercise, and I even upped the intensity to level 3/4. I kept up pretty well these last two days, so let's keep going more and more! Bring it!
Grace and Peace,
T
It's not that I'm overly lazy. I do a lot of stuff, but I just wasn't feeling the blog writing. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. I had time to write, but just didn't feel up to it.
It's been a roller coaster of a month. In this month I have gained weight, lost weight, moved to a new apartment, seen a 9 month old child buried, got the information that our pastor would be leaving and heard who the new pastor would be. Crazy! Why does everything have to happen all at once? Can't God just give us one big thing a month instead of everything altogether? We need to start a petition...
I don't think I have updated on here since I began my Power 90 journey. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's not P90X. (Bet you never saw that coming!) It's the beginners version of P90X, which means it is an intense full body workout program. You lift weights three days a week, and you do cardio three days a week. Let me tell you...for this fat chick who is waaaayyyyyyy out of shape, it is intense! But the funny thing is, I love it. It really does give me more energy, helps improve my mood and is toning up my body.
Several weeks ago, I went to Cincinnati to visit my brother and his family. He has 18 month old twins and they are full of energy. The last time I had seen my brother was the middle of January, and he was amazed at the amount of energy I have now. Several people I know have now ordered the program, and from what I can tell, they are enjoying it as much as I am. Of course, there are parts that I hate...like Power Yoga. I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing...not so much. And I don't like runners luges either. I don't know if I'm not coordinated enough, but me doing runners lunges is like a hippo doing the cha-cha. Not pretty. I feel sorry for the floor beneath my feet sometimes!
But the difference I have noticed has been worth it. I have a neck now! You can actually see the muscles in my neck! And I have muscles! My mother tells me that when I'm exercising, the backs of my legs are really getting toned. So I'm halfway through..
Actually, last week I was over halfway through. But stress...good old stress. The age old excuse. I was stressed out with the move and everything, and I did not pay attention to what I ate. Didn't even try. Living on my own again seemed to be an excuse to eat whatever I wanted. No one was watching! And I only exercised two days last week. What was up with that???
We all go through bumps in the road. I had my bump, and I knew I needed to do something about it. So Sunday night I decided I needed a kick in the pants. I decided to do a fast...not a full fast because I don't disillusion myself to thinking I can handle that, but a fruit and fruit/veggie juice fast. And this fast is to last for 48 hours. I bought bananas, V8 and orange juice. Yesterday wasn't too bad. When I was hungry, I would eat fruit or drink juice, and did really well. Felt energized (sugar rush!) and felt "cleaned out". Today, I even woke up not hungry. For lunch today I had a salad that was all veggies and fruit, and only a little bit of fat free dressing. I actually feel really good. I did it partly to jump start my diet, partly to remind myself that I do have will power.
That's the thing I have the hardest time with...willpower. It's almost like I can only focus on one thing at a time. If my exercising is doing really well, my eating is not. If my eating is doing really well, then my exercise is not. I need to get in sync! (Not NSync because they're Bye, bye, bye...oh yeah...I went there.)
So all you fellows out there who struggle with the same things I do, let's get in sync! I see so many of you share your triumphs and I am so proud of you. I hope that we can share our struggles as well as our triumphs, because they're real too.
Oh...and I'm back on the exercise, and I even upped the intensity to level 3/4. I kept up pretty well these last two days, so let's keep going more and more! Bring it!
Grace and Peace,
T
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